I Think At The Age

Puberty For Me Was Graduating From Thousand Island Salad Dressing To Caesar Salads. It Was Like Going From Hot Dogs And Hamburgers To Beef Stroganoff, Or From Ice Cream In A Cone To Creme Brulee.

When I Was Younger, I Ate Nothing But Fried Food. Everything Was Fried, From Oysters To Chicken To Potatoes To Vegetables. When You Die In New Orleans, They Deep Fry You Before They Put You In The Coffin. When We Baptize Children In New Orleans, We Baptize Them With A Bordelaise Sauce; We Don't Use Water.

When I Lost My Weight, I Went And Bought About 15 Different Types Of Underwear To See What Would Look Good On My New Body. It's Exciting!

I Took Desperate Measures To Lose Weight And Did Terrible Things To Myself. I Went From Diet Pills To Thirty Laxatives A Day To Throwing Up.

My Life Is Just A Never-ending Work In Progress.