I Think The Reason I

The One Thing I've Found You Really Can't Joke About - And People Think It's Death Or Something - Is Money. No One Thinks It's Funny, Whether You Have It Or You Don't. Money Is Just Something No One Seems To Like Joking About.

My Mom's Been Having A Hard Time Lately. She Just Found Out That She Has To Have Both Of Her Breasts Removed - If She's Ever Going To Be Good At Golf.

Stereotypes Wouldn't Be So Bad If Black People Were Nicer, In General.

I Could See Myself Adopting A Kid Someday. But, Obviously, I'd Prefer It To Be Aborted.

An Offended Audience Member Repeating A Comedian's Act From Memory Is Worse Than, Literally, Anything.