I Used To Be A

As Soon As I Got Successful, The Scottish Press Started Picking On Me. It's Something They Reserve Just For Me.

Now, The Country Is In A Terrible State, And You've Blamed It On A Number Of Things: Unemployment Rate, The Value Of The Pound And All That... Wrll, It's Because The National Anthem Is Boring.

I Spent The Whole Time Battering People I Liked And Singing With My Arm Round People I Loathed.

What Is It With Mcdonald's Staff Who Pretend They Don't Understand You Unless You Insert The 'mc' Before The Item You're Ordering? It Has To Be A Mcchicken Burger...a Chicken Burger Gets Blank Looks. Well, I'll Have A Mcstraw And Jam It Into Your Mceyes, You F**cking Mctosser!

Don't Buy One Of Those Baby Intercoms. Babies Pretend To Be Dead. They're Bastards, And They Do It On Purpose.