I've Known Nicholas Parsons For

Breakfast Is A Notoriously Difficult Meal To Serve With A Flourish.

If Anyone Tells Me I'm Fat, I Say, - That's Because Every Time I Make Love To Your Wife, She Gives Me A Biscuit

The Depressing Thing About An Englishman's Traditional Love Of Animals Is The Dishonesty Thereof ... Get A Barbed Hook Into The Upper Lip Of A Salmon, Drag Him Endlessly Around The Water Until He Loses His Strength, Pull Him To The Bank, Hit Him On The Head With A Stone, And You May Well Become Fisherman Of The Year. Shoot.the Salmon And You'll Never Be Asked Again.

If You Resolve To Give Up Smoking, Drinking And Loving, You Don't Actually Live Longer; It Just Seems Longer.

In Moments Of Considerable Strain, I Tend To Take To Bread-and-butter Pudding. There Is Something About The Blandness Of Soggy Bread, The Crispness Of The Golden Outer Crust And The Unadulterated Pleasure Of A Lightly Set Custard That Makes The World Seem A Better Place To Live.