I Wouldn't Give My Troubles

People Say We Need Royalty. We Have Royalty In The United States - The Kardashians.

America Is The Only Country Where A Significant Proportion Of The Population Believes That Professional Wrestling Is Real But The Moon Landing Was Faked.

It Is Cold Down In Washington, Dc. They Had To Use An Ice Scraper On John Boehner's Face To Get The Tears Off, It Was So Cold.

Mary Keitany From Kenya Won The Women's Race At The New York City Marathon. You Can Tell She Was Fast Because Guys On The Street Didn't Even Have Time To Finish Their Catcalls.

The Russian Economy Is Tanking. It's Gotten So Bad That Today Vladimir Putin Had To Pawn His Stolen Super Bowl Ring. And Putin Will Finance His Next Invasion On Kickstarter.