I Write Characters That Are

You Can't Say Your Favorite Kind Of Cake Is Birthday Cake, That's Like Saying Your Favorite Kind Of Cereal Is Breakfast Cereal.

When I Bet On Horses, I Never Lose. Why? I Bet On All The Horses.

The Hardest Part About Rollerblading Is Telling Your Parents You're Gay.

If You Believe That Men And Women Have Equal Rights, If Someone Asks If You're Feminist, You Have To Say Yes Because That Is How Words Work.

One Of My Life Goals Is To Be A Best Man. It's A Baller Position. You Get Drunk, You Make Speeches, And You Make Love To The Prettiest Bridesmaid, Usually Standing From Behind.