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A Landlord Is Showing A Couple Around An Apartment. The Husband Looks Up And Says, 'wait A Minute. This Apartment Doesn't Have A Ceiling.' The Landlord Answers, 'that's Ok. The People Upstairs Don't Walk Around That Much.'

I Was Jewish, Through And Through, Although In Our House That Didn't Mean A Whole Lot. We Never Went To Synagogue. I Never Had A Bar Mitzvah. We Didn't Keep Kosher Or Observe The Sabbath. In Fact, I'm Not So Sure I Would Have Known What The Sabbath Looked Like If It Passed Me On The Street, So How Could I Observe It?

There Are Certain Things I Don't Want To Joke About. If It's About Somebody Else, It's Fine. If It's About Me, I Think It's Totally Insensitive!

When You Watch Robin Williams, You Can See A Lot Of Jonathan Winters. Robin Is The First One To Admit That; He Worshiped Jonathan Winters.

You Know What My Theory Is? Accept Me Or Go To Hell.