I'd Love To Be A

Now That I Have Kids, I'm Probably More Overprotective Than I've Ever Been. My Wife's Nickname For Me Is "red Alert." I Sometimes Check Just To See If The Kids Are Breathing. But I Try Not To Be A Helicopter Parent.

Any Moron With A Pack Of Matches Can Start A Fire. Raining Down Sulfur Takes A Huge Level Of Endurance. Mass Genocide Is The Most Exhausting Activity One Can Engage In, Next To Soccer.

Sometimes All You Need Is 20 Seconds Of Insane Courage

Sending Our Kids In My Family To Private School Was A Big, Big, Big Deal. And It Was A Giant Family Discussion. But It Was A Circular Conversation, Really, Because Ultimately We Don't Have A Choice. I Mean, I Pay For A Private Education And I'm Trying To Get The One That Most Matches The Public Education That I Had, But That Kind Of Progressive Education No Longer Exists In The Public System. It's Unfair.

I'd Had People Say, 'you'll Enjoy Being Famous For A Week, And You'll Never Enjoy It Again'. But I Don't Think I Had That Week. I May Have Been Working And Missed That Moment.