If I Don't Do Stand-up

I Didn't Feel So Different Until Maybe, Like, Around Third Grade. Kids Started Blaming Me For My People Killing Jesus.

Strippers Should Be Role-models For Little Girls. If Only For The Fact That They Wax Their Assholes.

Everyone Self-googles. And, I Have, Of Course, The Google Alert.

People Who Follow Their Religion To The Letter Of The Law Are Just Silly. I Mean, I Want To Tell Hasidic Jews I Promise You, God Will Not Mind If You Wear A Nice Cotton Blend In The Summer.

I've Never Had An Abortion. And I Don't Know If I Would. But, It Doesn't Mean That I Wouldn't Fight To The Death For Women To Make Their Own Choices For Their Own Human Bodies.