If I Don't Do Stand-up

Unvisited Tombstones, Unread Diaries, And Erased Video Game High-score Rankings Are Three Of The Most Potent Symbols Of Mankind's Pathetic And Fruitless Attempts At Immortality.

She, Uh, Came Out Of The Closet Recently, My Niece. Um... She Announced To The Family That She's A Lesbian And... She's Seven, Did I Mention That? And, Uh, I Don't Even Know If She Knows What A Lesbian Is, But I Support Her Completely. And, Uh... I'll Tell You What's Heartbreaking. My Sister Punished Her For It. Can You Believe That? No Pussy For A Week. Which To Us May Not Sound Like... But When You're Seven, You Know, A Week Is A Long Time.

If I Have To Write By A Certain Time, I Can Pull Through, But Usually I Just Let Stuff Happen, Hanging Out With Comic Friends - Or Bringing A Basic Idea On Stage And Seeing If It Goes Anywhere.

The Truth Is, I've Denied It For Years, But I Love Deconstructing Comedy.

I Love Going To Weddings. And I Love It When My Friends Get Married. I'm Not Against Marriage But It's Just Not For Me. I'm A Vegetarian, But I Don't Have A Problem If You Want A Hamburger.