If I Were President, I

I Can't Promise I'll Never Kill Anyone Again," He Once Said, Strapping A Refrigerator To His Back. "it's Unrealistic To Live Your Life Within Such Strict Parameters

Hugh Consoled Me, Saying, "don't Let It Get To You. There Are Plenty Of Things You're Good At." When Asked For Some Examples, He Listed Vacuuming And Naming Stuffed Animals. He Says He Can Probably Come Up With A Few More, But He'll Need Some Time To Think.

What Other People Call Dark And Despairing, I Call Funny.

My Family Isn't Really All That Different From Anyone Else's. Well, Maybe They're A Bit More Entertaining.

But I Don't Distinguish Between Being Laughed With, And Laughed At. I'll Take Either.