If I Were The Last

Minnesotans Really Think They Run The Whole World, I Love That.

I'm Washing Lettuce. Soon, I'll Be On Fries. In A Few Years, I'll Make Assistant Manager, And That's When The Big Bucks Start Rolling In.

Real People Are Good And Grumpy. They're Nice And Mean. And I Come From A Nice And Mean Family. My Mom Was Nice, And My Dad Was Mean. So I Would've Served Myself A Lot Better If Louie Lundgren Would've Blown Up At Some Of The People He Was Talking To. I Think It Would've Really Served Everybody Better. We'd Probably Still Be On The Air!

I'm Still Working! I Think Of All The Other Comics That Didn't Get The Light Shined On Them, Just Because It's Just How Fame Works, And It's Unfortunate. But There Are So Many Great Comics Out There Who Are Still Working, And I Still See Them.

At Thanksgiving, My Mom Always Makes Too Much Food, Especially One Item, Like 700 Or 800 Pounds Of Sweet Potatoes. She's Got To Push It During The Meal. "did You Get Some Sweet Potatoes? There's Sweet Potatoes. They're Hot. There's More In The Oven, Some More In The Garage. The Rest Are At The Johnson's."