If Iowa Is The 'heart'

You Have To Understand, I Can't Do Any Jokes About Ross Perot, Because The Last Thing I Need Right Now Is Another Credit Check.

Many Of You Have Asked Why It's Taken Me So Long To Select A Running Mate. I Have No Intention Of Reaching Into The Political Grab Bag And Grabbing Any Man To Be My Running Mate. I'm Going To Reach In And Grab A Woman!

Having A Comic In The White House Will Assure Stability In Foreign Relations. The World Will Continue To Respond To Foreign Initiatives By Saying, 'you Must Be Joking.'

It's Tough Campaigning, Kissing Hands And Shaking Babies.

I Think We Should Just Tip The Government If It Does A Good Job. Fifteen Percent Is The Standard Tip, Isn't It?