If It Wasn't For Pick-pockets

I Get No Respect... I Tell You, When I Was Born, The Doctor Smacked My Mother

My Wife Gives Good Headache.

My Family Was A Bunch Of Drunks. When I Was Six I Came Up Missing, They Put My Picture On A Bottle Of Scotch.

My Cousin Is Gay, In School While Other Kids Were Dissecting Frog, He Was Opening Flies.

I'm Not A Hypochondriac, But My Gynaecologist Firmly Believes I Am.