If Mr. Einstein Doesn't Like

But Ice-crunching And Loud Gum-chewing, Together With Drumming On Tables, And Whistling The Same Tune 70 Times In Succession, Because They Indicate An Indifference On The Part Of The Perpetrator To The Rest Of The World In General, Are Not Only Registered On The Delicate Surfaces Of The Brain But Eat Little Holes In It Until It Finally Collapses Or Blows Up.

I Have Often Wondered How They Manage To Get Return Envelopes Which Miss, By One-quarter Of An Inch, Fitting The Blank You Are Supposed To Return. They Say, "please Fill Out And Return The Enclosed Envelope," And The Enclosed Envelope Is Always One-quarter Of An Inch Too Small.

She Sleeps Alone At Last.

What Is The Disease Which Manifests Itself In An Inability To Leave A Party--any Party At All--until It Is All Over And The Lightsare Being Put Out?... I Suppose That Part Of This Mania For Staying Is Due To A Fear That, If I Go, Something Good Will Happen And I'll Miss It. Somebody Might Do Card Tricks, Or Shoot Somebody Else.

Streets Full Of Water. Please Advise.