If Nothing Is Serious Anymore,

I Don't Get Fan Mail. It Disappeared With The Digital Revolution.

Irony Can Elude The Genius Among Us, Sometimes.

I Will Go To My Grave In A State Of Abject Endless Fascination That We All Have The Capacity To Become Emotionally Involved With A Personality That Doesn't Exist.

Dear Lord, I've Been Asked, Nay Commanded, To Thank Thee For The Christmas Turkey Before Us... A Turkey Which Was No Doubt A Lively, Intelligent Bird... A Social Being... Capable Of Actual Affection... Nuzzling Its Young With Almost Human- Like Compassion. Anyway, It's Dead And We're Gonna Eat It. Please Give Our Respects To Its Family.

I Ignore Hallmark Holidays. And This Comes From A Guy Who Has Sold A Million Opus Greeting Cards.