If There Is A God,

You Now Have The Least Amount Of Time You've Ever Had, To Do Everything You've Ever Wanted To Do. Enjoy Your Life. You Only Get One

The Most Important Thing In Comedy - Apart From Empathy, Which I Think Is Important Even If Disguised - Is Surprise. I Like Surprising People With The Fact That Something's Even A Joke At All.

You Can Drive 1,000 Miles Across America And Find Yourself, Whereas If You Drive A Few Miles From Slough You're In London Anyway, Or You Hit Wales And You're In Another Country! Also, Wherever You Are In England It's Still Raining.

If You're Surrounded By Idiots, You're The Unpopular One And The Odd One Out Because Idiots Don't Like Smart Asses.

The Next Time Someone Is Critical Of You, Just Take A Moment To Consider Their Life. Then Smile To Yourself.