If You Can't Do It,

She Gave Me The Jabs And Said I Was Covered For Every Worst-case Scenario, Including Being Bitten By A Dirty Chimp. I Told Her This Is Why We Have Over-population Problems. Why Are Idiots Who Annoy Dirty Chimps Being Protected?

If You Live In A Glass House, Don't Be Chucking Stuff About.

The Other Day I Was Thinking - Because I Get A Lot Of Headaches - I Was Wondering Whether The Head Should Be Where It Is. Because, At The End Of The Day, It's Probably The Heaviest Part Of Your Body, Right? And Yet It's At The Top As Opposed To, I Don't, Dangling At The Bottom Somewhere.

When You've Been On A Programme Called 'an Idiot Abroad' Job Offers Aren't Exactly Flying In.

A Block Of Blood Should Not Have The Word "cake" After It...they Might As Well Say "shite Gateau