If You Stand On A

I Was Born On The Kitchen Table. We Were So Poor My Mother Couldn't Afford To Have Me; The Lady Next Door Gave Birth To Me.

Tragedy Is What Happens To Me; Comedy Is What Happens To You.

I Only Direct In Self-defense.

Being Short Never Bothered Me For Three Seconds. The Rest Of The Time I Wanted To Commit Suicide.

I Make People Laugh For A Living. I Believe I Can Say Objectively That What I Do I Do As Well As Anybody. Just Say I'm One Of The Best Broken Field Runners That Ever Lived. For 35 Years I Was A Cult Hero, An Underground Funny.