If You've Got A Bloodstain

What's With This Weird Hotel Custom Of Leaving A Piece Of Chocolate On The Pillow? I Awoke Thinking My Brain Had Hemorrhaged Some Sort Of Fecal Matter.

Comedy Is Just Complaining In An Entertaining Way, Enterplaining.

We're All Trying To Get To The Same Island — Whether You Swim, Fly, Surf, Or Skydive, It Doesn't Matter. What Matters Is When The Red Light Goes On.

Our Good Time Is Sitting In A Coffee Shop With A Newspaper, Writing A Line On The Back Of A Napkin. That Is The Most Fun Comedians Ever Have

I Wrote An Article On A New Porsche For 'automobile Magazine.' I Knew The Editor, And She Asked Me To Write This Article. So I'm More Proud Of That Than Anything.