I'm A Guy Who Comes

I Was Watching The Animal Planet. Did You Know That The Male Seahorse Has The Baby? Why Don't They Just Call That One The Female?

How Did We Get To The Point Where We're Paying For Bottled Water? That Must Have Been Some Weird Marketing Meeting Over In France. Some French Guy's Sitting There, Like, "how Dumb Do I Think The Americans Are? I Bet You We Could Sell Those Idiots Water."

I Grew Up 45 Minutes Outside Of Chicago.

Bacon's The Best, Even The Frying Of Bacon Sounds Like An Applause.

People Treat Having A Kid As Somehow Retiring From Success. Quitting. Have You Seen A Baby? They’re Pretty Cute. Loving Them Is Pretty Easy. Smiling Babies Should Actually Be Categorized By The Pharmaceutical Industry As A Powerful Antidepressant. Being Happy Is Really The Definition Of Success, Isn’t It?