I'm A Late-night Guy.

What Am I Supposed To Say To An Atheist When He Sneezes, Ah, When You Die Nothing Happens.

When You're On A Movie Set And You Are Hopefully Making A Comedy, Everyone's Stifling Their Laughter. You're Looking At The Crew Guys, Hoping Someone Is Making That Face Like, And Not Like, This Is Not Working Out, Man.

In The Year 3000, Everything Will Be Instant.

I Once Overheard The Sweetest Old Woman Behind Me On A Train Tell Her Adorable Old Husband As He Scoffed Down A Ham Sandwich She Had Brought Along, "if You Ever Yell At Me To "stop Bringing A Ham Sandwich With Me Every Where We Go" Again? Next Time I'm Bringing A Gun. And I'm Blowing Your God Damn Head Off."

Valentine's Day Is A Time To Celebrate The Joy Of Being In Love. Unless You're Single & Lonely Then It's Called Laundry Day.