I'm Not A Joiner. I

Americans Are Desperately, Here On The West Coast, Buying Up And Hoarding Iodine Pills... Isn't It Great That In A Land That Is Divided Between Conservative Morons And Liberal Pussies, Somehow We Have Managed To Find A Way To Pull Together And Behave Like Moronic Pussies?

They Told Us To Buy Duct Tape And Portable Radios So That If The World Does End, We Can All Listen To Rush Limbaugh Blame It On Clinton.

I Don't Know If You Heard The News, But Wall Street Now Is A Farmer's Market. I Don't Want To Say Things Are Going Downhill Quickly, But Obama's New Campaign Slogan Is 'are You Better Off Than You Were Four Days Ago?'

To Most Christians, The Bible Is Like A Software License. Nobody Actually Reads It. They Just Scroll To The Bottom And Click 'i Agree'.

As A Comedian, I Think We All Look For Those Areas Where The Truth Diverts From What People Are Saying. That's Why Politics Is Such A Rich Area For Us, Because Politicians Make Promises, And They Don't Keep Them, And When We Point Out The Difference, We Get The Laugh.