I'm Not Really A Celebrity;

My Father, Who Was A Sergeant In The Raf During The Second World War, Was Killed In A Hitchhiking Accident While Returning Home On Compassionate Leave. As A Result, My Mother Had To Get Work, As A Nurse, And At Seven The Raf Put Me Into A Boarding School And Ex-orphanage Called The Royal Wolverhampton School.

I Interviewed Matt [stone] And Trey [parker], Actually, And I Got To Ask Them Questions. I Love Them Deeply Because They Appeared Dressed As J-lo And Someone Else [who Had Worn The Same Scandalous Dresses The Year Before At The Oscars]. They Confessed They Were On Acid.

Bear In Mind The Simple Rule, X Squared To The Power Of Two Minus Five Over The Seven Point Eight Three Times Nineteen Is Approximately Equal To The Cube Root Of Mcc Squared Divided By X Minus A Quarter Of A Third Percent. Keep That In Mind, And You Can't Go Very Far Wrong.

I Never Pay Any Attention To Figures.

People Can Tell The Truth Much More Freely When They're Apparently Lying.