I'm Not Smart Enough To

The Most Used Appliance In Our House Is My 10-year-old Son Leon's Xbox.

And In That Time, I Lost My Dad And Had Kids Of My Own. It Was Like, Ok, I Get It Now. I Know What Fatherhood Is All About. And You Look At Your Parents Differently

That's The Nice Thing About Doing Stand-up. There's No Development, You Just Go Out There And Get An Immediate Response As To Whether Something Is Good Or Bad. Getting A Laugh Is The Best Measure Of How Well You're Doing.

My Wife Would Say My Worst Habit Is That I'm Not Good At Dropping Subjects. If Something Bothers Me, I'll Bring It Up Endlessly And Relentlessly. I Think It's A Search For Clarity, But She Uses Different Words.

The First Time I Tried To Put A New Diaper On My Baby, I Yanked The Little Velcro Strap Too Jerkily And Actually Punched The Little Guy In The Jaw. A Real Solid Shot, Too. I Knew Instinctively That This Could Not Be Correct. Unless You're Specifically Trying To Raise A Welterweight, Continual Deliverance Of Powerful Uppercuts Is Not Advised When Handling Newborns.