I'm Pretty Sure Africa Was

Ever Since I Was Little It Was Programmed Into Me That London Is Where Great Theatre Occurs And All The Big Shows You Love Start There.

If We've Learned Anything, It's That The Combination Of Yellow Smiley Faces And Blue Polyester Vests Are Irresistible To The Inbred.

Sure, It Was Terrible And All, But You Have To Ask Yourself: If The Whole City Was Flooded, Why Couldn't They Just Swim To Safety?

I Once Looked In The Mirror At Myself And Noticed That, Without A Doubt, I Am A Sexy Man. In Fact, I Don't Think I'll Ever Get Married...it Just Wouldn't Be Fair For My Spouse To Catch Me Enjoying A Look In The Mirror More Than Having Sex With Her.

I Like To Drop In On People Who Picked On Me In High School Or Whatever, Just Out Of The Blue, And Chat With Them To See How They Think Of Me Now That I'm A Big Star. Usually They're A Lot Nicer. After About Half An Hour, I Excuse Myself To Go To The Bathroom, And Leave A Few Dvds Or Pictures There. Then When I Come Out, I Say Good-bye And Leave. Then I Call The Cops.