I'm Used To Explaining To

I Guess If They Ever Do A Remake Of 'sophie's Choice,' I Could Play The Meryl Streep Part. I've Got To Work On My Polish Accent. Maybe I'll Be The Definitive King Lear One Day. You Know, If They Ever Feel That King Lear Should Be More Jewy.

If You Have The Old Testament At Home, If You Flip The Corner Pages, You Can See Jesus Riding A Horse.

I Was The Class Podiatrist. I Never Made It To Class Clown. I Wasn't Funny Enough. I Would Examine Feet And Prescribe And Ointment. It Was A Sad Childhood.

I Understand Being Less Sexy Than Osama Bin Laden, But Not Less Sexy Than Carrot Top. That, I Find Offensive.

I Wanted To Be A Brain Surgeon, But I Had A Bad Habit Of Dropping Things.