In 1976 I Wrote A

After 14 Years Of Dieting, There Are Only Two Things I've Never Lost. Hope And Weight.

Where's My Tax Form? Where's The File That's Supposed To Hold My W-2 Form And Interest Statement? Where's The Mileage Log I Specifically Asked Be Kept Last Year?? Where's The Monthly Check Summary? And Who's Been Stuffing Visa Receipts In The Aluminum Foil Drawer??!! How Embarrassing. I'm Surrounded By Idiots And I'm The Only One In The Office.

I'm More Financially Successful, But It Just Means The Shopping Blunders I Make Are Bigger Now.

There Are Only Two Secrets To A Slimmer Shape ... High Heels And Shoulder Pads!

Breaking Up: It's So Easy To Return Their Possessions, But So Hard To Get Our Brain Cells Back.