In Terms Of Merit, Sports

[televised Stand-up] Never Really Makes Me Laugh. The Only One I Ever Saw That I Liked Was Richard Pryor, And That Was [shot On] Film.

Some Men Mistake Generosity For Charity: These Flatter Themselves That They Are Giving Gratuitously, Whilst They Are Merely Rewarding Secret Services Offered Their Vanity.

The Character Of Giving Advice Often Makes Us Accountable For The Conduct Of Those We Advise.

Back In The Old Days, A Man Could Just Get Sick And Die. Now They Have To Wage A Battle. So My Uncle Bert Is Waging A Courageous Battle, Which I've Seen, Because I Go And Visit Him. And This Is The Battle: He's Lying In The Hospital Bed, With A Thing In His Arm, Watching Matlock On The Tv.

I Completely Understand Why A Businessman Would Fire Me From 'saturday Night Live'. Because He Was Seeing Jay Leno Kill 10 Minutes A Night, Doing His Monologue With Wall-to-wall Laughs And Applause, Then I Do 10 Minutes A Week To, Sometimes, Breathtaking Silence. He's Just Listening For The Laughs.