In The Way That Women

There's A Reason Why Forty, Fifty, And Sixty Don't Look The Way They Used To, And It's Not Because Of Feminism, Or Better Living Through Exercise. It's Because Of Hair Dye. In The 1950's Only 7 Percent Of American Women Dyed Their Hair; Today There Are Parts Of Manhattan And Los Angeles Where There Are No Gray-haired Women At All.

Women Are Being Considered As Candidates For Vice-president Of The United States Because It Is The Worst Job In America. It's Amazing That Men Will Take It. A Job With Real Power Is First Lady. I'd Be Willing To Run For That. As Far As The Men Who Are Running For President Are Concerned, They Aren't Even People I Would Date.

Take Notes. Everything Is Copy.

Here Are Some Questions I Am Constantly Noodling Over: Do You Splurge Or Do You Hoard? Do You Live Every Day As If It's Your Last, Or Do You Save Your Money On The Chance You'll Live Twenty More Years? Is Life Too Short, Or Is It Going To Be Too Long? Do You Work As Hard As You Can, Or Do You Slow Down To Smell The Roses? And Where Do Carbohydrates Fit Into All This? Are We Really All Going To Spend Our Last Years Avoiding Bread, Especially Now That Bread In American Is So Unbelievable Delicious? And What About Chocolate?

We Have A Game We Play When We’re Waiting For Tables In Restaurants, Where You Have To Write The Five Things That Describe Yourself On A Piece Of Paper. When I Was [in My Twenties], I Would Have Put: Ambitious, Wellesley Graduate, Daughter, Democrat, Single. Ten Years Later Not One Of Those Five Things Turned Up On My List. I Was: Journalist, Feminist, New Yorker, Divorced, Funny. Today Not One Of Those Five Things Turns Up In My List: Writer, Director, Mother, Sister, Happy.