Inappropriateness Is Funny To Me.

That's One Of The Great Things About Comedy: We Can - And Should - Say The Things That Other People Aren't Supposed To Say. If We Didn't Do That, If We Didn't Push Against Those Limits, We'd Just Be Standing Around Onstage And Yelling.

I Was Just Thinking How Unfortunate It'd Be To Be A Fat Girl Named Candy.

You Know It's Time To Do The Laundry When You Dry Off With A Sneaker.

I Used To Be Really Cute. I Could Send You Earlier Photos Where I'm Stunning. But I've Gained About Twenty Pounds Over The Past Two Years, And The More Weight I've Put On, The More Success I've Had. If You Drew A Diagram Of Weight Gain And Me Getting More Work, A Mathematician Would Draw Some Conclusions From That.

I'm Greek. My Body Produces Feta Cheese.