Is The Glass Half Full,

If You're A Parent, The Five Worst Words You Can Say To Your Children Are, "when I Was Your Age ..." You Were Never Their Age. You Were Older In The Womb.

People Say "god Will Find A Way." God Can't Find A Way If You're In The Way.

Now, This Is The Fun Part About Getting Stoned. They Get Stoned, Then They Become Paranoid. Now, When They Started Out, They Said, "let's Get High And Have Fun." So They're High; Now They're Paranoid. "am I Falling Out Of This Chair?"

My Father Would Pass Gas And Then Blame It On Imaginary Animals.

If You Listen Carefully To What A Child Is Saying To You, You'll See That He Has A Point To Make. So I Listen. And I Answer Them Just As Seriously As Possible. And If I Don't Know The Answer, I'll Tell Them I Don't Know.