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I've Often Liked A Girl, Made Her Laugh, And Thought She Liked Me, And Then Found Out That She Didn't Like Me That Way. I've Definitely Done Time In The Friend Zone.

I Went Into A Clothing Store, And The Lady Asked Me What Size I Was. I Said, 'actual'. I'm Not To Scale.

A Lot Of People Don't Like Bumper Stickers. I Don't Mind Bumper Stickers. To Me A Bumper Sticker Is A Shortcut. It's Like A Little Sign That Says 'hey, Let's Never Hang Out.'

I Like Birthdays Because We Celebrate Life With Cakes. It's So Cool. Sometimes When I See A Baby, I'm Like That Much More Cake In The World. But Then When Someone Dies, I'm Like The Cake Streak Is Over.

The Sofa Is The Enemy Of Productivity.