It's Very Easy To Turn

I Set A Personal Record On Christmas. I Got My Shopping Done Three Weeks Ahead Of Time. I Had All The Presents Back At My Apartment, I Was Halfway Through Wrapping Them, And I Realized, 'damn, I Used The Wrong Wrapping Paper.' The Paper I Used Said, 'happy Birthday.' I Didn't Want To Waste It, So I Just Wrote 'jesus' On It.

A Refrigerator Is The Opposite Of A Drug Addict, Because A Refrigerator Starts In A Box And Then Moves To A House.

People And Squirrels Are Very Different. Most People Will Not Argue That. But I Find That There Is One Situation In Which They're Very Similar. And That Is: When I Am Driving Towards Them In My Car. Then They're Kind Of Hard To Tell Apart - Especially If The Human Is Kind Of Hairy.

I Think It Would Be Frustrating To Be A Match Maker. "what Do You Do?" "i'm A Match Maker" "aw, That's Really Romantic" "no, Umm... I Actually... Never Mind"

I Can Move Objects With My Mind, If I Use My Hands.