It Was Quite A Sight

People Sometimes Say How Standup Is So Hard, And I Always Tell Them That It's Hard At The Beginning.

A Republican Congressman, Rep. Chris Lee, Was Caught Flirting With A Woman Trolling For Dates On Craigslist And Sent Her A Shirtless Photo Of Himself. He Lied About His Age And His Marital Status. He Said He Was 39 And Divorced. He's 46 And Married, Though Being A Republican Congressman, I'm Guessing He's Really 60 And Gay.

If It Weren't For Acid, You Might Not Have An Ipod, And You Definitely Would Not Have Some Of The Best Music In Your Ipod.

New Rule: This Valentine’s Day Americans Must Remember That Politicians Are Like A Box Of Chocolates. We Bite Into Them To Find Out What's On The Inside Only To Discover That Democrats Are Too Often Soft And Gooey And Republicans Are Mostly Nuts.

What Is It With Conservatives? Seriously, I'm Not Trying To Be Partisan But It Seems Like If They're Anti-illegal Alien, They Have Illegal Aliens Working For Them. If They're Anti-gay, They Turn Out To Be Gay. If They're Super Christian, They're A Witch.