It's True That I Have

So Here Are Some Foolproof Recipes For Those Of You Who Understand The True Function Of Food. Bean Treat: Gingerly Pour Four Fluid Oz Of Beans Or Something Into A Jug. Cry. Eat The Beans From The Jug And Pour The Rest From The Can Down Your Throat. N.b. These Taste Better If They Belong To Somebody Else In Your House. Pain Au Dunk: Fists Of Bread, Rent From The Loaf And Dunked Into Anything Runnier Than Bread. Should Eat At Least Six Of These Because…you Should. Don’t Toast The Bread. Toast Is Cookery.

People Will Kill You Over Time, And How They'll Kill You Is With Tiny, Harmless Phrases, Like 'be Realistic.'

I'm A Quitter. I Come From A Long Line Of Quitters. It's Amazing I'm Here At All.

The Sensible Thing For Everyone To Do Would Be To Write All Their Op-eds And Think Pieces Now So They're Ready The Day After The Election When [donald] Trump Is No Longer In The Picture. God, I Can't Wait For That. I Hope He Just Goes Away.

I Enjoy Performing, Always, But When You're Taping A Gig, You've Got To Blank Out This Mass Apparatus Of Self-consciousness That's Surrounding You, This Invitation To Drown In Self-consciousness. Otherwise You Just Won't Be Able To Do Anything.