I've Lost Some Weight. I

With The Presidential Debates Right Around The Corner, John Kerry Is Going To Play Mitt Romney To Help The President Prepare For The Debates. That's Kind Of A Stretch; A Rich White Guy From Massachusetts Playing A Rich White Guy From Massachusetts.

A Man In Florida Has Been Arrested For Wearing A President Obama Mask While Robbing A Mcdonald's. To Show You How Good This Guy's Disguise Was, Instead Of A Holdup Note He Was Reading From A Teleprompter.

Good News. President Bush Is Creating Thousands Of New Jobs. Unfortunately, All Of Them Are At The White House.

Scientists In Australia Are Working On Making Biodegradable Car Parts Out Of Hemp. This Might Get Confusing. When Someone Says, Roll Up The Window, They Might Mean, Roll Up The Window!

9% Would Give Up Sex For The Remote Control. 91% Has Already Given Up Sex For The Remote Control!