I've Never Eaten A Hot

I'm Afraid Of A Couple Things. I'm Afraid Of Getting Caught Up In Other People's Expectations, Because I Feel Like That's An Ongoing Battle.

Now The Thanksgiving Meal Is Just So Unnecessarily Difficult. I Mean Even Mashed Potatoes - It's Like The Most Difficult Kind Of, You Know, Medieval Idea. All Right, Instead Of Just Cooking Them, Why Don't You Spend, Like, Eight Hours Peeling Them And Then We'll Have To Mash Them Up. It Feels Like Prison Labor, Really.

My Wife's Gotten Really Lazy, Or As She Calls It, 'pregnant.'

My Whole Comic Persona Is That Of A Guy Who Explores The Id: I Romanticize Gluttony, I Romanticize Laziness, And People Identify With That.

It's Not As If Ten Years Ago, We Were Like, 'i Wish I Could Take Low Quality Photos Of My Dessert.'