My Girlfriend Said, Emo, I'm

Once I Was In A Restaurant And I Dropped My Fork On The Floor, And They Gave Me A New Fork. So I Pushed My Girlfriend Out Of Her Chair.

I Ran Five Miles Today. Then, Finally, I Said, 'here, Lady...take Your Purse.'

Not Everybody Hates Me. Only The People Who've Met Me.

I Was Feeling A Bit Down, I Went To A Therapist A Few Times, At A Hundred Bucks A Pop. But Then I Realized That No Therapy Session Would Ever Cheer Me Up Half As Much As If I Was Just Strolling Along And Found A Hundred Dollar Bill.

I've Learned That You Can't Make Someone Love You. All You Can Do Is Stalk Them And Hope They'll Panic And Give In.