My Only Thrill Is Self

I Tell Ya, I Was An Ugly Kid. I Was So Ugly That My Dad Kept The Kid's Picture That Came With The Wallet He Bought.

I Come From A Stupid Family. My Father Worked In A Bank. They Caught Him Stealing Pens.

I Don't Know Kid, There Are So Many Places They Could Hide.

At Christmas Time We Couldn't Afford Tinsel, So We'd Wait Till Grandpa Sneezed.

I Knew A Girl So Ugly, They Use Her In Prisons To Cure Sex Offenders.