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The Democrats Are Very Bad At Selling Their Own Product. The Republicans Are Geniuses At It. And I've Said It Before, A Bad Product Well Apologized For Is Superior In This Country To A Good Product.

Iraq Now Says That It Will, After All, Destroy Its Missiles. President Bush Said, 'please, I Used To Pull The Same Trick. There'd Be An Intervention, I'd Make A Big Show Of Pouring Out The Liquor And Then There Was A Case Under The Floorboards.'

If Conservatives Get To Call Universal Healthcare 'socialized Medicine,' I Get To Call Private, For-profit Healthcare 'soulless, Vampire Bastards Making Money Off Human Pain.'

The Unemployment Rate Is Now At 9.2%, Which Is Scary, Because Experts Say 9.5 Is The Point At Which People Are Desperate Enough To Consider Michele Bachmann.

In Today's Republican Party, There's A Term For People Who Hate Charity And Love Killing: 'christian.'