My Wife And I Keep

Every Time I Get In An Elevator, The Operator Says The Same Thing To Me: 'basement?'

I Was So Poor Growing Up...if I Wasn't A Boy...i'd Have Nothing To Play With.

When I Got Back Into Show Business In 1961, I Felt - For Obvious Reasons - That Nothing In My Life Went Right, And I Realized That Millions Of People Felt The Same Way. So When I First Came Back My Catch Phrase Was "nothing Goes Right." Early On, That Was My Setup For A Lot Of Jokes.

I Knew A Girl So Ugly, She Had A Face Like A Saint-a Saint Bernard!

I Told My Doctor, "i've Swallowed A Bottle Of Sleeping Pills" And He Told Me To Have A Few Drinks And Get Some Rest.