No Matter Which Sex I

In The Last Few Years, Race Relations In America Have Entered Upon A Period Of Intensified Craziness Wherein Fear Of Being Called A Racist Has So Thoroughly Overwhelmed Fear Of Being A Racist That We Are In Danger Of Losing Sight Of The Distinction.

Any Discussion Of The Problems Of Being Funny In America Will Not Make Sense Unless We Substitute The Word Wit For Humor. Humor Inspires Sympathetic Good-natured Laughter And Is Favored By The Healing-power Gang. Wit Goes For The Jugular, Not The Jocular, And It's The Opposite Of Football; Instead Of Building Character, It Tears It Down.

Thank God I'm Over The Hill. The Only Heat I Have Left Comes From Hot Flashes, My Promiscuity Is Confined To The Words "one Size Fits All," And I Buy My White Cotton Unmentionables At Boadicea's Retreat, Not Victoria's Secret. None Of The Things Men Do To Women Could Possibly Happen To Me Now Unless The U.s. Is Invaded By One Of Those New Russian Republics Whose Soldiers Aren't Fussy.

For Men Who Want To Flee Family Man America And Never Come Back, There Is A Guaranteed Solution: Homosexuality Is The New French Foreign Legion.

Showing Up At School Already Able To Read Is Like Showing Up At The Undertaker's Already Embalmed: People Start Worrying About Being Put Out Of Their Jobs.