No One's Trying To Get

I Never Had The Desire To Be A Professional Twitterer. Every Now And Then Something Dumb Pops Into My Head And I'll Tweet It. I Don't Feel Any Obligation To Respond To Everyone. Not That I Don't Appreciate People Sending Me Messages On There, But There Are Too Many. Responding To Everyone Would Take Away Time For All The Stuff I'm Actually In The Business For.

With Stand-up, It's More Interesting To Hear About People's Failures Than Their Successes.

I Strapped An Mp3 Player To One Of Those Floor-cleaning Robots. Call Him Dj Roomba - Little Guy Cruises Around And Plays Music. What's Hot, Dj Roomba!

Sometimes You Gotta Work A Little, So You Can Ball A Lot.

Most People Would Say 'the Deets', But I Say 'the Tails'. Just Another Example Of Innovation.