Number One: Don't Frisk Me.

Monday Is President's Day And Former President Bill Clinton Is Very Excited. He Is Taking George Bush, Sr. To 'hooters'. ... George H.w. Bush And Bill Clinton Have Been Spending More And More Time Together. Doesn't That Seem Like An Unusual Couple To You, Honestly? Earlier Today They Went To Go See That Gay Cowboy Movie.

I Mean You Think About The Guy, The Nigerian Guy, Who Was Going To Blow Up The Plane. He Was Wearing A Pair Of Fruit Of The Lunatic. ... Guy Was Not Too Bright. He Said That The Reason He Became A Suicide Bomber Was To Work His Way Up In The Al Qaeda Organization.

I Have Found That The Only Thing That Does Bring You Happiness Is Doing Something Good For Somebody Who Is Incapable Of Doing It For Themselves.

Mitt Romney Was A Guest On 'the Tonight Show' On Nbc. It's Interesting — You Have An Empty Suit Trying To Please Everyone, And Then Romney Comes Out.

It's Interesting What Former Presidents Do When They Leave Office. Bush Is Now Working As A Motivational Speaker. And If You Want To Be Motivated, Who Better To Turn To Than The Guy Who Invaded The Wrong Country And Started A Depression.