[on Plastic Surgery:] When I

Your Husband Is Lazy If Coffee Doesn't Keep Him Awake - Even When It's Hot And Being Spilled On Him.

We Have Far Too Many Kids. At One Time In The Playpen There Was Standing-room Only. It Looked Like A Bus Stop For Midgets. It Used To Get So Damp In There, We'd Have A Rainbow Above It.

When I Go To The Beach, My Grandchildren Try To Make Words Out Of The Veins In My Legs. That's Why I Still Take The Pill; I Don't Want Any More Grandchildren.

The Reason I'm Not An Alcoholic Is I Don't Like To Drink In Front Of The Kids . . . And When You're Away From Them, Who Needs It?.

Your Husband Is Lazy If When He Leaves The House, He Finds Out Which Way The Wind Is Blowing And Goes That Direction.