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People Sometimes Say How Standup Is So Hard, And I Always Tell Them That It's Hard At The Beginning.

Is It Like Gay Men Go Into The Priesthood Because They Figure, Well, This'll Solve My Problem. I Can't Be A Homosexual In The Priesthood; It'll Just Go Away. Maybe I'll Try It With The Republican Party.

The Bible Looks Like It Started Out As A Game Of Mad Libs.

What's Going To Be Hard For The United States Is That Our Policy For A Long Time Has Been A Two-state Solution; The Palestinians Should Have Their Own State. Now, The Palestinians Are Going To The U.n. And Saying, 'we're Having The U.n. Vote To Say We Have Our Own State. Well, If That's Your Policy, United States Of America, Why Are You Vetoing It?' Which We Will Do.

We Need More People Speaking Out. This Country Is Not Overrun With Rebels And Free Thinkers. It's Overrun With Sheep And Conformists.