One Time I Was Forced

I Don't Think Stand-up Is Being Appreciated As Much As It Could Be And I Don't Think It Has For A Long Time. There's Some Great Stand-up Comics Who Come To A Town And If They're Not A Name, They Don't Attract A Crowd But In Reality There Are Brilliant People Out There.

I Wanted To Buy A Candle Holder, But The Store Didn't Have One. So I Got A Cake.

I Like Kit-kat, Unless I'm With Four Or More People.

I Went To A Tent Store. "what Kind Of Tent Do You Need?" "circus."

I Know A Lot About Cars, Man. I Can Look At Any Car's Headlights And Tell You Exactly Which Way It's Coming.