People Say, 'my Phone Sucks.'

If You Think Everything You've Done Is Great, You're Probably Dumb.

I'm Not A Political Comedian. That's Just Not What I Do.

You Ever Go To Shop For Tuna, And It Says "dolphin Safe", And You Look At It And Kind Of Go, "yeah, But"-like Somehow You Think It's Not Going To Be As Good? Like, "i Want To Do The Right Thing-but It's Probably Kind Of Bland Without The Dolphin."

In 27 Years Doing This, I've Seen A Handful Of Truly Great, Masterful Standup Sets. One Was Tig Notaro Last Night At Largo.

Comedy Isn't Polite And It Isn't Correct And It Isn't Accurate, Even. It's Just A Mess. So That's The Way That I Approach It.