People Sometimes Say To Me:

114 Isn't As Old As It Used To Be They Say Its The New 104.

Stand By Your Bed And Salute Me.

I Don't Know Why Some People Get Worked Up About Gay People Marrying. It's Not Gay People Who Are Ruining The Sanctity Of Marriage, It's Celebrities.

I Do A Show. It Comes On Late At Night On Tv. And If That Means I'm A Late-night Talk Show Host, Then I Guess I Am, But In Every Other Regard I Resign My Commission, I Don't Care For It.

If We Are Now Holding Late-night Talk-show Hosts To The Same Moral Accountability As We Hold Politicians Or Clergymen, I'm Out. I'm Gone.