Presidents Tend To Tinker, You

We Have Nothing To Fear But Fear Itself...and Of Course The Boogieman.

I Read An Article That Said One In Five Americans Thinks Elvis Is Alive. I Want To Find Those Morons And Get Them Registered To Vote For Me.

So I Got Into Growing Grapes, Not Realizing That There Was A Heck Of A Lot More To It Than Meets The Eye.

I Admit I Do Have Some Drawbacks And Limitations As A Candidate. Although I Am A Professional Comedian, Some Of My Critics Maintain That This Is Not Enough. I Cannot Deny That I Stand Before You Untested And Inexperienced - I Only Spent Two Years In Television, Never As A Romantic Lead Or A Song And Dance Man.

I'm Often Asked Why I Travel Around The Country Talking Politics. Is It For Humanitarian Reasons, Community Spirit, Or Is It For The Money, The Limousines Or The Girls? The Answers Are: No, No, Yes Yes Yes!